My Immortal

MY IMMORTAL- Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life
you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
*********************

I've been doing some research on the Web- looking for validation. Came across some pretty good sites that I could relate to tremendously. I'm kind of scared they pushed some of my anger into a feeling of activism though. I didn't realize how many women (usually younger at the time- mid-late teens) are manipulated into doing the "right thing". Of course, I wanted the right thing for my daughter- I played right into the fears that were fed to me at the time- by the counselors, agents, my parents, etc. My child wouldn't have a father, I had nothing to give my daughter, oh- look at this lovely family & this lovely family--what was so wrong with me? Fathers leave every day- I have a guy friend who was married and his WIFE left- left him with a baby. Just because a man and woman are married- doesn't mean life is grand. My mother's father was an abusive alcoholic- did she really need that father figure in her life? What happened to Faith? What happened to Hope? What happened to Family? Everyone around me gave up on me--I was scared to go against them all. Push my parent's bluff & keep my daughter. What if they didn't change their mind- what if I really would have ended up on the streets? Even worse, what if they ended up adopting her out from under me? I couldn't live with putting my daughter through that jeopardy. I wish I had the Internet at the time, I wish I had resources, I wish I had some outsider encouraging me to be stronger than the pessimists. There are so many children who are adopted who never should have been. Young middle class girls who are perfectly capable of raising the child they love- but pressured by so many outsiders that they can't.