It'll get worse before it gets better
My mom's 50th birthday is this upcoming week. I've been dealing with guilty feelings of not speaking to my parents for over 2 months now. I was debating on what to do...should I send her a birthday card just to show that I have a heart? Then I think, why am I not speaking to them? Oh yeah- there's a lot of baggage in our relationship. They haven't attempted to contact me in 2 months either and ask why I've disappeared.
My sister said she talked to mom the other day. Mom thought I was upset about the last phone conversation we had. My sister told her that it happened to be my last straw with her, but there had been a long build-up to cause me to sever ties. Of course, my mom asks if its about my daughter and them making me place her for adoption. My sister said that was a lot of it- and my mom's response was "I needed to learn how to forgive." Funny, I don't remember anyone ever asking for forgiveness. I don't remember anyone ever asking me how my daughter was doing, sending her a birthday or Christmas card, I don't remember the subject of my daughter ever coming up again unless I had mentioned it. I quit talking about her with them a number of years ago. They don't care. They never have. If anyone is heartless it's them. How do you erase your grandchild from existence? How can you be so prideful that you'd spite your own daughter?
Arrogant people don't deserve forgiveness, atleast mine. I would have been a wonderful mother. I am a happy woman with a happy husband. I try to look at the positives in every situation. I try to live my life to the fullest and experience all that life has to offer. I don't want to be miserable like my parents. I don't want to lock myself in my house with no friends. R and I have such a wonderful life together. I've cried 8 years for my daughter. I've had a hole in my heart that will never be filled. But I try to have the best life I can because one day my daughter is going to see who I've become. I want her to be proud of me. I have someone to live for, not only my husband, but the prettiest 7 & 1/2 year old who lives 3,000 miles away.
My sister said she talked to mom the other day. Mom thought I was upset about the last phone conversation we had. My sister told her that it happened to be my last straw with her, but there had been a long build-up to cause me to sever ties. Of course, my mom asks if its about my daughter and them making me place her for adoption. My sister said that was a lot of it- and my mom's response was "I needed to learn how to forgive." Funny, I don't remember anyone ever asking for forgiveness. I don't remember anyone ever asking me how my daughter was doing, sending her a birthday or Christmas card, I don't remember the subject of my daughter ever coming up again unless I had mentioned it. I quit talking about her with them a number of years ago. They don't care. They never have. If anyone is heartless it's them. How do you erase your grandchild from existence? How can you be so prideful that you'd spite your own daughter?
Arrogant people don't deserve forgiveness, atleast mine. I would have been a wonderful mother. I am a happy woman with a happy husband. I try to look at the positives in every situation. I try to live my life to the fullest and experience all that life has to offer. I don't want to be miserable like my parents. I don't want to lock myself in my house with no friends. R and I have such a wonderful life together. I've cried 8 years for my daughter. I've had a hole in my heart that will never be filled. But I try to have the best life I can because one day my daughter is going to see who I've become. I want her to be proud of me. I have someone to live for, not only my husband, but the prettiest 7 & 1/2 year old who lives 3,000 miles away.
posted by bobby @ 2:29 PM
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